tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-66682258732012121092024-02-07T00:11:55.133-08:00In Search of the Supreme PersonalityA Journal by Jadurani devi dasi :
In service to my Divine Master Srila B.K. Giri MaharajaAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04360302181346143474noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6668225873201212109.post-77594919327142734592012-09-06T15:25:00.002-07:002012-09-06T15:25:32.418-07:00Confronting Distractions on the Journey to Devotion<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: #990000;"><i><br /><br /><br /><br />"The brhad visnu smrti clearly states....'...People
jeer at Krisna...Perpetually, their real knowledge will remain under
delusion, and gradually they will regress to the darkest region of
creation.' "</i><br /><br /><i>~ </i>Srila Prabhupada, Bhagavad Gita As It Is, Purport 9.12</span></blockquote>
<span style="color: #990000;"><br /> </span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #990000;">As I read that this morning I was struck with the
sheer gravity that defines one's spiritual journey. True understanding
into the transcendental nature of things is certainly not a game or to
be taken lightly but to be pursued earnestly and with a seeking heart
that is genuine in its goal. The goal shouldn't only be to accumulate
knowledge or to experience pleasant feelings but to
acquire truth that will orient us into the clearest and most direct
route back to Godhead. If we steep our hearts in love for Krishna, if to
love and devote ourselves fully to Him is our only aim, then the
understanding we seek will surely come to us in time as we gradually
progress forward. <br /><br />I certainly don't mock or jeer Krishna which
is who the verse is directed at above. At the same time, I've been
associating with those who do not recognize him as the Supreme
Personality and have engaged in entertaining myself in reading material
that contradicts the message of the sastras. Why would I consider
pursuing such material that can only cause me internal conflict and only
distance me from making progress in Krishna consciousness? That only
has the promise to have any real knowledge I've gained "remain under
delusion"?</span><br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #990000;">I'd say
curiosity is one large factor. I have a natural propensity to feel
restless if I don't look around every corner, even the ones that are in
dim and dark places. Something within me draws me forward to exploring
all that I can of the unknown even if I have to momentarily step off the
sure and steady path I am on. Another factor would be my difficulty in
submitting to authority and any prescribed route. I have the tendency of
doing what my false ego urges me to do regardless of the consequence
merely because I can. This is the trademark of an impulsive nature and certainly something I need to work on and
not a trait which is a very becoming quality of one who strives to be a devotee of the Supreme Lord.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #990000;">Is
stepping off the
path to pick up and overturn every fanciful stone that catches one's
attention along the way really worth it in the long run? Certainly not.
For if that is our habit we will be continually getting off the path
and
never get closer in our destination nor fully surrender ourselves in
devotion to Sri Krishna or Sri Guru. Our attention and devotion will
always be divided and for the devotee his devotion should never be
divided. Our perspective will always be looking out through the dim lens
of delusion. <br /><br />Srila Prabhupada had to say this regarding the
pursuit of mundane academic knowledge versus the pursuit of
transcendental knowledge: </span><br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><br /></span>
<blockquote>
<span style="color: #990000;"><i>"By
transcendental knowledge one can remain steady in his convictions, but
by mere academic knowledge one can be easily deluded and confused by
apparent contradictions. It is the realized soul who is actually
self-controlled, because he is surrendered to Krishna. He is
transcendental because he has nothing to do with mundane scholarship.
For him mundane scholarship and mental speculation, which may be as good
as gold to others, are of no greater value than pebbles or stones." </i><br /><br /><i>~ Bhagavad Gita As It Is, Purport 6.8</i></span></blockquote>
<span style="color: #990000;"><br /> </span><br />
<span style="color: #990000;">I
want to go back to Godhead. I don't want to be caught
up in a perpetual cycle of death and rebirth. Above that even, I simply
want to love Krishna who has captivated my heart. Who, through His
mercy, continues to beckon me onwards. Who extends out His hand in
compassion through Sri Guru to help guide me through confusion towards
His Love. Spirituality is a serious
thing as it determines our eternal fates. We never know how much time
we have on earth to pursue and discover God.
Philosophical speculation can be interesting, fascinating even, but it
won't be what saves us from suffering. Only devotion to Krishna and Sri
Guru can save us from suffering and lead us out of being reborn back into this
material existence. What can be more important to read but the words of
Sri Krishna? The words of bona fide spiritual masters like Srila
Prabhupada
and Srila Sridhar Goswami Maharaja? Their words bring true light. <br /> </span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #990000;">The
Bhagavad Gita As It Is teaches us that we should remain steadfast in
our devotion to God regardless of the transient nature of life.
Regardless of the distractions and trials that rise up for surely they,
being impermanent, will also fall away. Sri Krishna is eternal and is
there with us in both pleasure and pain. Even when we doubt or are
confused He is there offering us shelter. We only need to learn to fix
our devotion fully on Him to overcome all obstacles. Such devotees that
do so, Krishna says, are very dear to Him.<br /></span><br />
<blockquote>
<span style="color: #990000;"><i>One
who is equal to friends and enemies, who is equipoised in honor and
dishonor, heat and cold, happiness and distress, fame and infamy, who is
always free from contaminating association, always silent and satisfied
with anything, who doesn't care for ay residence, who is fixed in
knowledge and who is engaged in devotional service-such a person is very
dear to Me.</i><br /><br /><i>~</i> Srila Prabhupada, Bhagavad Gita As It is, Purport 12.18-19</span></blockquote>
<span style="color: #990000;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: #990000;"><br />Srila
Prabhupada says in the Bhagavad Gita As It is that "The cause of the
distress of a living entity is forgetfulness of his relationship to
God.". (Purport 6.32) I am learning more and more that when I divide my
devotion and time elsewhere, anywhere other than on Sri Krishna, that my
soul begins to lose its sense of orientation in regards to its
constitutional position with the Supreme Lord. The cure for such a
malady? We've been given a formula, a direct route back to Godhead and
that is the path of devotion which is most easily followed by the
practice of chanting His Holy names. <br /><i><br />Hare Krishna Hare Krishna, Krishna Krishna Hare Hare<br />Hare Rama Hare Rama, Rama Rama Hare Hare</i><br /><br />May God's holy names always be in our minds and hearts dispelling our illusions and drawing us ever closer to becoming fully devoted to Him.<br /><br />Please consider sharing your reflections in the comments section. Thank you!</span></span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04360302181346143474noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6668225873201212109.post-17811800443001429352012-08-18T05:15:00.000-07:002012-08-18T05:15:10.752-07:00Simply Surrendering<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCOoWHBZRrhP-5oK2FtudNyYgcS9DDF4KVpP2TC1r3r9rnVB2UUEF0FkCWxp1RuY6u05HeuerS4BShnipJAugCAQbQ5RGWKR8lPXGHMdXDuGbBTHtfQ_2-zrDbQj9QyR9yCM_7FJmbARM/s1600/017.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCOoWHBZRrhP-5oK2FtudNyYgcS9DDF4KVpP2TC1r3r9rnVB2UUEF0FkCWxp1RuY6u05HeuerS4BShnipJAugCAQbQ5RGWKR8lPXGHMdXDuGbBTHtfQ_2-zrDbQj9QyR9yCM_7FJmbARM/s320/017.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
<div style="color: #990000;">
<br /><br /></div>
<blockquote style="color: #990000;">
"We
have to approach the domain of knowledge with self-surrender, honest
inquiry, and a serving attitude. We have to approach that plane with the
mentality of slavery. Higher knowledge will not serve a person of lower
status.If we want perfect knowledge at all, we will have to serve the
Supreme Lord. He will use us for His own purpose; not that we will use
Him. We may be subjects in this mundane world, but we will have to
become objects to be handled by the superknowledge of that plane. If we
want to connect with that higher knowledge, we must approach with this
attitude."~ The Search for Sri Krsna, p. 28-9</blockquote>
<div style="color: #990000;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #990000;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #990000;">
It
hasn't even been a week and I am already having conflicting thoughts
over my role as a devotee. The pursuit for the truth has always been my
deepest aspiration and yet when the door is opened before me, light
pouring in from a place I have yet to venture, promising to filter fresh
revelations on my deepest questions, I pause hesitatingly.</div>
<div style="color: #990000;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #990000;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #990000;">
I have
a real desire to serve and honest inquiry comes natural to
me...but...surrender. I thought I could...I think I can...And yet..and
yet...Ever since I began really digging for revelation towards the
mystery of God doubt has plagued my consciousness. A restlessness has
settled upon me and a struggle has ensued. It is spiritually tangible,
as if my ego has a life of its own. As soon as my soul expands ready to
receive instruction and guidance my ego constricts that opening, like a
serpent. It tightens its coils around the inner artery that brings life
to my soul causing my inner vision to grow dim. I reach out, aching for a
taste of God , just a taste of His love and knowledge of His nature.</div>
<div style="color: #990000;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #990000;">
There
seems to be no place for doubt for the devotee. And yet, for so long
that is all I've ever really felt. In fact, one of the only things I've
been certain of since discarding my prior false beliefs is my doubt. It
has comforted me and provided me with a line of defense against
delusion. And it was always a trait heralded in my circle of
impersonalist friends. For so long the one thing I was sure about was my
state of unknowing. </div>
<div style="color: #990000;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #990000;">
The more I've searched the less certain I've become
of anything as life seems to bring with it an illusory web of
contradictions, dead ends and an infinite depth of complexity. Like a
mirage it promises false truths in sparkling images that seem so real
but when you get close enough to reach out to them they vanish. Yet
there's a steady rhythm thundering in my soul, calling out to me,
telling me this time there is something that is certain, there is
something that is real and it should be pursued unto the very end. The
mahamantra has transformed my perspective. It has etched a faint imprint
on my intellect and stamped it with ownership: Property of Sri Kishna,
refusing me the option of shaking it off. Nor would I want to; it has
brought me such peace and bliss. It whispers me onward, assuring me that
there are things that truly can be known. There is a path and I am
standing on it. I just have to take more steps forward.</div>
<div style="color: #990000;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #990000;">
So, now I have a guru that can help guide me, and the words from the Search for Sri Kishna ring in my head:</div>
<blockquote style="color: #990000;">
"Real
knowledge is stable; it has a firm foundation, and Vedic education
deals with how to acquire that knowledge. The meaning of the word veda
is "Know." No rhyme or reason is shown why you should know, and no
explanation is given: simply "Know."" ~ SSK, p. 28</blockquote>
<div style="color: #990000;">
Is
it really that easy?? Just "know"...The truth seems a lot more elusive
to me than that. How does one know? The Gita, the Upanishads and the
book search for Sri Krishna, as well as every other conceivable source
that uses the Vedas, all say from a spiritual master. It is quite
apparent that trust is required in this transcendental exchange for
knowledge. A deeper trust than I have ever been willing to give anybody.
I've only bestowed that honor on myself, giving the precious gift of
trust to my ego, a poor investment.</div>
<div style="color: #990000;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #990000;">
It seems like it's so easy for
others to hand over the keys to their intellect and soul when it is
time. When the luster of the material world fades and the transient and
mundane nature of this world becomes apparent. We know there's more to
reality than what the world offers us. It's as if the world offers us
platters heaping full of beautiful delectables in which our minds and
souls can feast upon. But when we go to take a bite, the smell alone
tells us it is rancid, not fit for the lowliest creature. What alone
will nourish our soul comes from God and we seek that. I seek that. But
when a dish that offers itself to be truly palatable comes into view I
now feel it natural to ask for the specific ingredients-to examine it
closely, to want to test things out for myself, rather than simply
taking a bite!</div>
<div style="color: #990000;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #990000;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #990000;">
The image that comes to mind right now is that my
soul is like a horse that is wild. Who has felt neither bit nor bridle. A
great drought has come to the land and there is only one place in which
to get water. I search it out here and there but can find none. My
master finally comes out in the field. He holds a bit and reins offering
to guide me to the water I so desperately need and without will perish.
But I must submit and allow him to guide me. To trust him completely
and bid adieu to my days of haphazard wandering. As soon as I see the
reins I back up, fearful at the thought of surrendering and yet thirst
has nearly overcome me. I am not being rational and am allowing my fear
of trusting to overcome me. But I want to trust and I have affection for
my master and recognize his voice. I know in my soul that it is my
destiny to follow. I know he has already seen the water, tasted it, been
immersed in it and can truly guide me to it. But I know the path that
leads to the water will take me through foreign terrain, past things
that I have only heard about and half-believed. Some things that I have
read and heard are so beyond my comprehension I'm not sure I'll ever
grasp them. And there are the mirages in the distance that beckon and
appeal to my senses and mind. Beautiful statues of intellectual mastery
carved by some of the greatest philosophical artisans seduce me to come
forward and take what they have to offer. Their beauty is artificial, I
know this deep in my soul, and yet the site of them still taunts me.</div>
<div style="color: #990000;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #990000;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #990000;">
I
am realizing that I am still wrapped up in a tangled web of maya. I
have not yet freed myself from the trappings of this world. I have
recognized the truth, I can see it in the distance, have committed
myself to a path and yet traps keep springing up and I'm not sure I'm
strong or nearly spiritually perceptive enough to always avoid them. I
guess at least knowing that is some kind of progress.</div>
<div style="color: #990000;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #990000;">
I
brought any of this up to my guru? No. Should I? Most likely. Why
haven't I? Because I fear failing and surely this is all a sign that I'm
not doing very well spiritually. Perhaps he'll see me as a sinking
ship, a wasted investment, and want to untether the anchor so as not to
waste it.</div>
<div style="color: #990000;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #990000;">
If only, in complete surrender I'd allow my master to
guide me. I know that is the only solution for my soul's salvation. I do
trust him. I recognize him as my spiritual authority and of God
Himself. And yet I feel tethered to attachments that hinder full
surrender. To truly know is to get past this material mirage and see
with clarity the true nature of things. I don't trust myself. Maybe that
is also a positive sign of progress. Okay, maybe there's some hope for
me yet. And yet, I fear of failing, of falling. I also fear of being a
heretic-of along the way being so intimately caught up in maya that I am
hopelessly mired in it and convinced by it. That I will recognize and
accept truths but allow my distorted perception to disfigure them beyond
recognition and allow myself to convince myself of false things.</div>
<div style="color: #990000;">
<br />Surrender...just
simply surrender! This resounding command to the seeking soul
reverberates loudly within the Vedas. God has given us the formula and
now it is just up to us to release ourselves of our egos and follow it.
And then we shall truly come to Know.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04360302181346143474noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6668225873201212109.post-64019854253933784562012-08-05T02:48:00.000-07:002012-08-05T02:48:22.907-07:00The Beginning of a Journey<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
<br /><br /><br /><br />The Vedas say,</div>
<blockquote style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
<div>
<i>srnvantu visve amrtasya putrah: “O, you sons of nectar, sons of</i></div>
<div>
<i>the nectarine ocean sea: please listen to me. You were born in nectar; you were born to taste nectar, and you must not allow yourselves to be satisfied byanything but nectar. So, however misguided you may be for the time being, awake! Arise! Search for that nectar, that satisfaction.”</i></div>
</blockquote>
<div style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</div>
<div style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
That excerpt comes from a book I just began reading, “The Search for Sri
Krishna: Reality the Beautiful”, by Srila Bhakti Raksak Sridhar Deva
Goswami Maharaja.
<br />
<br />
When I read the above excerpt it seemed clear to me that searching
out Sri Krishna is our soul’s quest to reconnect with the original taste
of infinite bliss and love in which our souls were first conceived.
Upon further reflection I am reminded, though, that we have no beginning
and will see no end; that our jivas, our individual souls have always
existed. So perhaps a better way of viewing the above is that we are
searching out for the peace and bliss that can only be found when we
find that which our souls originally associated with. The very source of
Godhead, Sri Krishna. When we find Krishna we find the source that will
satiate all the desires of our soul’s innermost longings. Our souls
will find rest in their true home.<br />
<br />
Thirst has overcome my soul bringing with it a sense of desperation
as I have longed to satiate this seemingly endless desire to pursue
truth unto the very end. To discover the great pearl of infinite value.
For nearly fourteen years I had thought I found it within the borders of
Christianity but I eventually found the borders to be more like prison
walls. What lay within was no longer satisfying nor made much sense or
appealed to my inner intuition of what was true. The gardens bore fruit
that no longer quelled my spiritual hunger.I had no choice but to leap
over the walls into what felt like an unknown and foreign land of
wilderness with no path in site, only my own conscience to guide me
towards the truth.<br />
This verse from <nobr><a class="FAtxtL" href="http://www.scsmathglobal.com/blog/?p=791#" id="FALINK_2_0_1">the Bible</a></nobr> comes to mind:<br />
</div>
<blockquote style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
<div>
“The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a
man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he
had and bought that field.” (Matthew 13:44)</div>
</blockquote>
<div style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
What could possibly be worth more than discovering God? Nothing to me is
more dear. Therefore, I forsook a spiritual community and belief system
that I once valued above anything else when I recognized it to be
false. It felt almost like shaking off heavy coats after a long winter
only to feel the warm and promising winds of Spring brush up against the
exposed linings of my soul. The idea of real spiritual advancement
towards truth reinvigorated me and I eagerly set out in search of it.
<br />
<br />
It was then that I gravitated to the only sources that could provide
any sense of direction for me. Throughout the thick forest dim lights
offering theories and speculations spawned from minds of intelligent men
whispered and beckoned me forth. I was lured away from any notion of a
personal God and trekked through my mind’s interior assimilating notions
of impersonalism, believing that I had been originally deceived that
God’s nature was personal. I began meditating and experienced
realizations of oneness with Brahman that were so intense that they
confirmed in me the reality that we were all one. God was all and all
was God. There was no need to go further. All that was needed now was to
cultivate knowledge and experience of Brahman at this point
and someday, when my impermanent body drew its last breath, I would
merge into oneness with the infinite void that was God. What I didn’t
realize at that time was, though Brahman is God, God is more than just
Brahman. Brahman is one of three aspects of God and I had arrived at
accepting a partial truth as the whole truth.<br />
<br />
Through His divine grace and mercy Krishna did not give up on me and
through fate I was lead rather circuitously to knowledge of the
maha-mantra. I had originally wanted to practice chanting with japa
beads using my primary mantra at the time: om namah shivaya, but then
was introduced to the maha-mantra and became intrigued by it when I
first heard it spoken. After purchasing japa beads to practice with I
began using the maha-mantra with them exclusively. I began this
spiritual discipline with the mindset that it was merely a spiritual
tool to center myself in the present. I did not think too much about the
words I was chanting but concentrated fully on each one while I
chanted, feeling and hearing the vibrations.<br />
<br />
What I didn’t expect was to have instances of unexpected peace flood
through me. A love that seemed to penetrate through any barriers of
mental speculation plunged directly in the depths of my soul, like an
arrow, shattering barriers of maya that had built themselves around the
eyes of my soul. Instantly, during one chanting session I was struck
with the realization that only the most profound and truest reality of
love can be found in God and love is personal. How could God not be but a
personal God if He encompasses the very qualities that we associate
with sentience? A seed of faith had been planted in my heart and each
time I took up my beads to chant the seed began to sprout roots until
instinctively, while chanting, I began to lift my heart up to a God who I
did not understand but knew was there, offering my heart to Him and
appealing to Him that He bless me with knowledge of His nature and give
me an opportunity to serve Him. Not only had the mahamantra led me to believe in a personal God but
it directed me towards the path I knew I must now take in order to find
true realization and spiritual fulfillment. The path of bhakti yoga.<br />
<br />
I came into correspondence with Srila Giri Maharaja who, through his
benevolence, initiated me and is now my guru. I feel so new and
inadequate when it comes to my chosen path. There is so much I don’t
understand in terms of formalities that correspond with being a devotee
and there is an infinite amount of knowledge to learn. The formalities,
I must admit, intimidate me as they are all so foreign to me. The
knowledge that there is to learn excites me. As his Divine Grace Swami
Sridhar mentions in his book Sri Guru and His Grace, we are all students
and with joy I accept the position of being a student of Krishna
consciousness for the rest of my days here on earth.<br />
<br />
I am so spiritually hungry I wish to devour as much knowledge of
Krishna as is possible! I feel an overwhelming amount of gratitude to
have Srila Giri Maharaja there to guide me. I no longer feel like I’m in
the middle of an overgrown and dark forest with only dim lights to
guide me, which only served in the past to lead me deeper into illusion.
Instead, now, I feel like I am on an open path with gentle grasses
bending on other side, reminding me of the truth in which Srila
Prabhupada expressed-that we should all be humble as blades of grass.
And with the spirit of humility and devotion I proceed with, as radiant
and transcendent as the sun, the light of my guru to guide me and make
my path clear so that I might run unhindered into the full embrace of
Sri Krishna.<br />
<br />
I often write in my journal and will now use this blog to post my
entries with the intention of sharing my journey with others while
receiving their insights into some of my reflections and some of the
topics which are introduced and thus enter into meaningful and edifying
dialogue.</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04360302181346143474noreply@blogger.com2